Paterno goes to extremes to punish players

Central Pennsylvania Community College football coach Joe Paterno has ruffled his players feathers with a recent crack down on campus shenanigans. Convicted rapist and wide receiver Ki-Blair VanEnis tells PSR of the hardships faced by himself and other players. "Coach has really tightened the reigns on us, we're eating Sevruga caviar rather than Beluga. And this Chateau le Blanc '68 he's giving us is supposed to be served slightly chilled! This is room temperature! What does he think we are, animals?" A lunching player who wished to remain anonymous stated "You call this gazpacho? Real gazpacho has got chunks in it! This is more like soup! I only have three misdemeanors, I ain't know why coach has to punish everyone because of a few mistakes".

Inappropriate signs mar Pirate protest

Pirate fans saw the planned ownership protest as an opportunity to show their comedic sides. PNC Park management confiscated dozens of signs it deemed inappropriate. But, before all the signs were taken away the PSR staff was able to note a few of their favorites:




1. STOP NUTTING....on the fans
2. I cant wait to see a nutting bobblehead
3. Sally Wiggins stole my virginity!
4. Nutting causes the Angry Pirate
5. Hey Trenni Kusnierek, you left your purse at my house
6. Pirate fans need a break after nutting