It takes a PSR to make life simple

Giant Eagle has announced that it will soon add another item to its line of Pittsburgh-centric products. "Troy Polamalu's Bad Boy Poi" will soon join Wannstedt's Wacky Ranch Dressing, Jason Bay's "Just one more minute Mom" Shoe Polish, Evgeni Malkin Borsh Brigade (Ural Mt. Style), and Jeff Reed Super Steeler Spicy Cupcake Mix in the popular regional product line. A very important Giant Eagle corporate office employee stated "If it says Stillers it'll sell. Literally put some crap in a bowl, slap a sticker of Tim Lester on it and it will sell millions. Maybe .5% of the Pittsburgh population even know what poi is, our main ingredient is corn syrup, nobody will know the difference" Look for Troy Polamalu's Bad Boy Poi on your Giant Eagle shelves this summer.

Former Pittsburgh favorites in the product line included:
Bobby Bo's Tobacco Scented Hair Conditioner
The Kevin Stevens Nacho Experience
"Roundin' Third" Aramis Ramirez Intimacy Gel *enhanced with Puepetine
Football Scent #9 by Jerry Olsavsky

Pittsburgh Sports in the Year 2000

In the year 2000...
- Chardonnay will replace beer as the preferred Steeler tailgate beverage
- Guy Junker will unveil his own line of mock turtlenecks
- Pittsburgh Riverhounds move to Wilmerding, change their name to the Dongs
- People will realize that Penn State is not local and their teams shouldn't be treated as such
- Construction of Heinz Field stops after archaeologists discover the remains of Barry Foster
- Jerome Lane will break his neighbors garage hung backboard on a dare
- An 11 year old hockey phenom in Nova Scotia will visit the Eastern Canada Penguin Reserve
- Flying cars